shit out!

***Shit Out!

I don’t care what others say about me,
'coz I don’t depend on public opinion.
Do you think I live my life for opinions?
Whatever shit you think of me,
I don’t care, I don’t give a damn of it.

For whatever happens to me,
I’m 100% damn responsible for it.
Whatever shit I do, why can’t you just accept it?
After all it doesn’t affect you.

And I don’t give a damn thought about you.
I don’t care whatever you do!
Go out with others, do anything...
But don’t get a damn shit involve me.
Coz I’m tired of your damn waiting.
All those damn shit poems that
I wrote for you, is all shit.
I don’t give a shit of it
if you like another guy...
Leave me alone in my damn shit world.
If you don’t like me,
I don’t give a damn of it.

I thought before I’m stupid,
but now I don’t give a damn of it.
Coz I don’t depend on you.

All those memories that I thought,
Priceless damn shit memories,
But I don’t give a damn of it now.

Whatever you think of me,
Crazy, sissy, childish…endless list of shits,
But I don’t give a damn of it.
Coz I don’t depend on you n public opinion.
I’ll do whatever I like,
Coz it’s my own life.
You don’t own my life.
So stuck out public opinion.
Coz I don’t need them.

Maveric.

***.this poem is written purely out of love of rap type of music, linkin park style. It doesn't relate 2 any1. Please bear with the words.

ON BOARD INDIGO AIRLINES

Roots

Flying high in the sky
With no strings attached ,
For the joy of being alone,
Amidst the clouds and birds,
For long man has always
Dreamed of the impossible,
Beneath the layers of skin,
Where our soul searches ,
The reason for our existence,
We may reach high,
But can highness be a reason ,
For forgetting our roots,
Although high is high,
Roots are roots,
But can we really exist ,
Like an uprooted plant?
Can we really forget our roots?


CHANGE

Looking back with my mind open,
At the instances of “the” history,
Forgetting is not a sin,
For as long as I can hold myself,
Clearing my history-“ Delete”,
Hitting upon that icon,
Everything goes blank in a second,
But for me “delete is not
An option ---Can’t Delete”,
All those memories stack together ;
Makes me senseless---Can’t delete
With the few memories that I can part,
I can’t say “ Delete ME”,
But Change is a must,
If I can compress my memories
ZIP-it goes into a file, “ Old memories”
Making me lose me some of my mind,
But as long as the ZIP-ZIPS me,
I can hold on for a change,
For change is a necessity,
But I’ll hold on my ZIP files,
For they are my memories.


DISSECTION

Cutting flesh and bones,
with the smell of your perfume.
Oh! It stinks but I've to,
for you is my knowledge.
Knowing you in this place
Has change me-nothing impossible,
Cutting your heart to study it,
The perfect architecture in place,
I wonder, “ why are you so emotional?”
But I can’t find a single drop of tear,
then why are you so emotional?
Cutting your eyes to study its beauty
the gift of sight in your company,
Oh! God must be kind to us,
for he has presented me “you”
For I can study God’s perfect creation,
Oh, my anatomy cadaver-
Thank you for being there.

Heights

Soaring high in the sky,
With its wings gliding in the sky,
Experiencing the beauty of nature,
Singing , dancing in the open,
I saw an “unknown” bird.

I kept on thinking,
why can’t I experience the beauty?
Why can’t I sing and dance?
Why should I be left behind?

Suddenly the “unknown” came,
Reading my mind in full pace,
Looking at me with eyes wide open,
The answer I was looking,
The mirror image of the unknown,
Comes into my domain,
For I’m the “ unknown bird”.






Me, myself and you.

Searching for the reaching end,
Although I don’t know my path yet,
But still I’m thinking,
Why I can’t be with you?
Although 4 years is a long wait,
But still we will be together
In our special ways,
We can’t be 100% perfect,
But still we can try,
For a future awaits us,
For a lighting , fitting welcome ,
We need each other ,
Me, myself and you.



Oh! Martyrs!

You gave your soul and sweat,
For the years gone by and to come,
We remember you every year,
Only on this day,13th august ,
People clean your tombs ,
Decorate your places,
With fresh paints and flowers adorning,
Freshens up your place.
We neglect you, forgetting your sacrifices,
All through out the year.
But today is 13th august ,
We ought to remember you,
In our daily life ,
Have we forgotten your sacrifices ,
Aren’t we suppose to remember,
Not only on 13th august , but everyday.


Dreams
Half awake-half asleep,
I started gazing my mind,
at what happened just now,
a whole new experience
I was with you.
Holding your hands, playing cupid
Even though we don’t know each other.
May be God wanted us!
It’s the reality of dreams.
I still can’t forget the moments,
Sensual as ever …..
Still thrives on my mind’s heart,
Just another dream but I dreamt about you.

Written on board Indigo airlines, august 30th 2006.

Thanks for reading.

Shantajit (maverick)

Photo Assay --shantajit

Meeting with RahuL Dravid & M.Kaif

diary entry:16th April,2005.
well,today was a day filled with fanfare . i got the chance to meet Dravid and Kaif at the Taj Palace Hotel, Duala Kuan. i saw all the players esp Harbajan singh, Anil kumble(in a yellow T-shirt),younis khan, sachin ,shewag, from a very close distance.i even got snaps clicked with the stars.it was a life changing experience for me.i was at cloud 9 .everything is working out for me.

Courage

Courage

Courage ,courage, courage,
where are you?,
where are you?,
I'm searching for you,
I'm searching for you,
Always for you.
Determination, Determination,
where have you been?,
Where have you been?,
Leaving me in darkness.
Where triumph goes to darkness,
Defies the old saying,
“truth goes wherever light goes”.
Where no light, no truth,
Today's society needs light,
Give us the light ,Oh Lord,
the savior of the mankind,
for a better tomorrow.


shantajit

MY slam Book---school Days

My Slam Book
Shantajit's random stories
School Days.

I started keeping a slam book when i was in 8 standard,at an age of 14 years. I was surprised and elated when i finally found it among the piles of useless things lying inside my old cupboard, while searching for some document . I had a quick look at my profile and my eyes stuck on one line:Aim in life:-i had written , “ to become a Doctor”.

Little did i realize that one day i will study medicine to become a Doctor.
There are many instances in my life which have played a big role in my entire life.
Well, i don't exactly remember all the instances but some instances remain in my mind as vivid as a fresh lime.

“ son , your entrance exam result has been out,”Dad proclaimed, “ But you didn't get through it”.That was when i was searching for a school to start my schooling. But my parents persisted with my case.

“ Father,Please admit my son. All his cousin are studying here. He will face problem if he studies in another school”, pleaded my dad.

I remember the Principal Father Mathew asking me some easy basic questions near the nursery class.
“ what is your name?” asked Father Mathew.

I was in a pensive mood and with a gulp of saliva in my mouth , spine shivering , i finally blurted out my name.
“ sir...., my name is Nameirakpam shantajit”.

He was reluctant at first to grant me admission but he agreed after heavy persuasion from my dad.

This incident happened 18 years back, when i went to get admitted in one of the most prestigious school of Imphal, “ St.Joseph' s school”, which produced lots of toppers in the HSLC exam. So i became a Josephite.

Our nursery class consisted of 120 students. It think it was hell loose for the teachers to control us at that time. i was one of the students who had a heavy build up , so i was made to sit in the last benches always. At the same time, my dad had to finished his studies in Gujarat and my mom was doing her B.Sc course, they had little time for me and i usually spent my time alone . you won't believe how i learned those a,b,c...i never did any homework . Even now, i have lots of cursive writing books lying vacant in my cupboard wanted to throw them away but mom is insisting me to keep them for my little siblings.

I don't know how i was promoted to the next class . But one incident in 3rd standard changed my life.
“ stand outside. You can't even read your lessons, how will you study it”, shouted our Manipuri teacher sir Joy. Sir joy happened to be our disciplinary &Physical Trainer .He would always give punishments for small things. All students ,except few select use to always stand outside in his class and i was one of the privileged student who had the opportunity to experience his “standing outside class”.


“ roll no 73, shantajit , you have a scored a zero in Manipuri otherwise you have done quite well in other subject”, exclaimed our class teacher Miss Mary.
Everyone in the class instantaneously in a loud crackling laughter stared at me for my great performance in Manipuri.
I felt very ashamed at myself.

“ what should i tell mom and dad?”, i thought, “will they scold me ?”

I didn't utter a single word on my way back home. I just kept on thinking of the consequences of my getting ' a big zero'.
But inside me , something internal was forcing me to do something i had never imagined before. I finally decided that there was no point in feeling ashamed and finally told my parents.

so i decided to go for a complete improvement mission in Manipuri.
"Mission Manipuri---to secure pass marks in Manipuri."
Then in the next unit test, everyone stared at me, not because i had scored a zero but instead i got good marks and even got a rank. This was the first time, i had secured a rank in the 1st top 10 . i was elated and happy that i was able to study properly and had the courage to improve my score.

“ shantajit, you have improved a lot, you can further improve your marks. study more.”, said miss mary
This incident happened 15 years back. I still remember the “ zero phenomena” that changed my school marks.
“ shantajit, you got 19 marks in maths . Sir will give you 1 grace mark to make you secure the required pass marks”, said Rojit , my classmate. Rojit was quite close to our maths teacher,Shoji.

I got more than 80% in all other subjects but i was not granted 1 mark in maths , so i was declared failed. I scored more marks than the 2nd ranker but still i was a failure. This happened in 6th standard.
i went home feeling little lost as what should i tell my mom &dad.

“ you didn't pass the exam. why are we paying your fees ?”, was my my mom's initial reaction.
I felt very bad at that time. “Why is she equating everything with fees?”,i felt.

Little did i realize the hardships that my family was facing. My mom was working in a private school and a month salary was 3k. And dad at that time was wayward and didn't really care for us, under the influence of his Mom and sisters, who were dead against us. so mom was having a very hard time.
Mom was doing all she can do for us.

I finally decided that there was no point in whining over my maths mark. i decided to improve and changed myself. When the next exam result was announced , there was a big surprise in store for me. I not only passed the maths paper but i secured 3rd position in overall.

“ who is shantajit?”,asked our class teacher.
“ its me”, i stood up and replied.
May be he is surprised that a non-existent name cropped up to secure the 3rd rank.
“ Good. Try to hold on to your rank. so study more hard to improve further”, said Sir Shoji,our class teacher.
I got my self esteem from that incident and i knew that i had the potential to do good in my studies. Then the years went on by.

In the year 2002, i completed my HSCL exam and secured distinction marks in maths,science and computer. I could have done well if i had not had some problem but in the real world, “ifs and but” doesn't exist. so i realized that problems are part and parcel of life. Life is not all about getting success all the time but learning from your failures and improving further”.

At this time , i started developing aptitude for novels .
The first novel that i had bought was “ The Third sex and Human rights”, a thought breaking story about the Hirza community .i was highly influenced by this book.
Meanwhile, I began participating in many extra-curricular events and i won many prizes in essay,quiz,sports, debates.

The first prize money that i got was Rs 100 for securing a consolation prize in a quiz competition. Then prizes started pouring in. i still cherish those moments and my memory is full of such events.
It was always nice to get prizes because our principal would call out our names in the school assembly to give away our prizes in front of the whole School.
But one big moment leads to another. I Was doing a research project for my Intel science project, sponsored by Intel. i was selected to represent the entire North East .
I still have the letter written by the jury comprising of many eminent scientist in our country, stating my project, “ Lowering Blood sugar level by using Black Plum seeds”, Patent worthy. It was a big boost for me in my academic life.(http:istdf.educationinindia.net for details on Intel science fair

But the real problem came during the execution of the project. I had to complete the project in 20 days but i had little time as i was preparing for HSLC exam .so i couldn't go to Kolkata to participate in the science fair. It was a big blow. Now i' m doing my MBBS course. Little did i realize in my 8th standard that i will study medicine.

This is a bit of my series of story . I will continue further.

10 buks dAT changed meh!

1o Buks dat changed meh!

1.The Alchemist (a fable about following your Dream)

Pauolo Cohelo

2.The monk who sold his Ferrari

Robin S.Sharma

3.who will cry when you Die

Robin S.sharma

4.Five point someone

Chetan Bhagat.

5.7 habits of highly effective people

Steven S.Covey

6.J.R.D Tata's biography

7.To kill a mocking Bird

Harper Lee

8.oh!lovely Greece

Saratchandra Thiyam

9.Ignited Minds

A.P.J Abdul Kalam

10.You can win

ShiV Khera

folks try reading these books. these books will definitely change you.

with lots of luff

EXPOSED

EXPOSED
DA MAN
Da man: n.shantajit

call me: Bong,shan

Timing: 6th Dec,86

Life: To become a cardiologist

2nd Thoughts: may be i will try for IAS\IFS

Frens: D6 gang

Blog: www.wakhal.blogspot.com

Institute: St.Joseph's school (HSLC-2002)
Harvard school(HSSLC-2004)
Sardar Patel Medical College, Bikaner(MBBS-2005)

Fav:€ U & only U. only U can decode it.

I will : Do things that i think is right for meh

Books:

1. Five point someone
2. Alchemist
3. The Da vinci code
4. .J.R.D Tata's biography
5. Edward Bono's books like lateral thinking, The new religion.
6. who will cry when You die
7. To kill a mocking bird
8. Ignited minds
9. you can win
10. oh!lovely Greece

stick a glue: I'm after this lovely gurl. guess who?

smile: Being in the company of D6 members.

Beginning: chingmakha irom leirak singjamei ,imphal west manipur

memories of school: i want to beat up the history teacher, who made me bleed.

likes:

1. surfing the net
2. poetry and prose composition
3. blogging
4. travelling and photography
5. gardening and cooking (cool huh!)

Makeover: learnt many things in the transition from a Kiddo to a KIDZEE.

DA MAN N HIS DOG!

SJ's in a condom soup.

Shantajit's random stories.

My tryst with a condom.

I guess, all of you remember the T.V ad on buying condoms from a chemist shop; I definitely wanted to look cool doing the same. So I set out to buy it thinking that it's so easy to do such a thing, whats the need of that T.V ad. On the way I met I met one of my frens, Bony. Together we set out to complete my dreams of buying a condom. “Let’s go to a chemist shop. I need to buy some condoms”, I uttered to him. “What, condoms!” was his initial reaction? “Ok.lets do it”, said Bony. I first drove towards the main Thangal Bazar and stopped in front of 1 big chemist shop and asked Bony to accompany me.

“Aghast! Are you really going to buy it?, I thought you were just joking , like you usually do with all the stuffs”, said Bony.“ I'm not joking, I need to get some condoms and I need it urgently”, I replied.He was very surprised at my answer and he told me he has some condoms, may be he can give some to me. But I wanted to buy a condom from a chemist shop. So I didn't fudge 1 inch from my resolution of buying a condom. “I will go alone and ask for it”, I said, “You don't need to worry about your prestige”.

So I set out to go to the 1st chemist shop but I was feeling very nervous. When I was about to ask for it, one lady customer came from behind and I felt shy asking for the dreaded condom in front of this innocent lady. So I came out of the shop and stood 3 meters form the nearest view looking for the golden opportunity. I saw many customers come and go. Finally I decided to look for another chemist shop.

Scanning for chemist shop in the streets of Paona Bazaar, with one criteria that there should be no customer in that shop when I'm going to buy my condom, I stopped at many chemist shop but when the time came for the final decision , it was always a negative answer.“ This one has a lady as a salesman, not this one”, Bony said.

While we were searching for the perfect chemist shop, we were talking of many things. “ Are you going to have sex?”, asked Bony“ what do you do with condoms, do you think I will use it for making balloons and sending it to the free will of the air around us”, I replied. His mind was working like anything. He was searching for the name of the girl that I'm going to use this dreaded condom.

He came up with many names. I said “ this is not the one, ok I will tell you when we get the condom in our hands, so first mission Condom and then the mission, who will be the lucky girl”.“ why do you feel shy in buying a condom?”, I asked, “ you told me you are an expert in all this buying and now you are feeling shy like a little school kid, now you are a grown up, we can buy condom we are above 20 yrs and there is no point in feeling shy about it.

“ its not that I don't want to help you in buying it but see I'm not yet married”, Bony replied, “ what will those people think of me?”“ so they will think of you as morally bad , but who are they to judge you, just because you buy a condom”, I said in an angry tone. Between our conversations we reached Kwakeithel and I was on the look out for chemist shop again. I went to one chemist shop but the moment I was about to ask , I felt a chill in my spine .“ do you have this tablet....oh....neuro...ceptam...tam..”

I asked in a husky voice, instead of asking for the 1 I intended I ended up asking for another non-existent drug in our state. “ were you successful “,asked Bony“ frustrating, being a Medical student not able to buy it’s remembered many things from my 1st year of my MBBS life.” so today is your first lesson on anatomy. We will learn about the breast in detail.....” was our anatomy lecturer first sentence and she continued teaching everything about breast. Everyone was so quiet.

We hadn't been exposed to such an environment in our previous times and we were all feeling shy. Knowing our shyness, the lecturer had given her piece of mind. “Boys and girls, this is a medical college, there is nothing taboo about the topic you are learning. You need to know all these to become a good and great Doctor one day, I hope you take control of this situation’s was brought back to reality by the sound of police siren .”Clear the way, the CM is coming”, they shouted on top of their voice.

Then, we finally to go for a chemist shop near Haft and Awing Boca, but we couldn't find a suitable chemist shop for our quest .Then we finally decided to do the rounds in singjamei.we figured out 1 chemist shop, which had no customers at that instant but we had to finally bow out because the shopkeeper turns out to be a lady.“ it's already 7 pm”,i shouted on top of my voice.

My curfew starts at 7.15pm .so we finally decided to abort the mission for the day. “Ok.bye bony. If I need it urgently I will take some from you”, I said and bade farewell. I reached home just before curfew was to be imposed. Later I thought about my ordeal of buying a condom.” was it because I was too shy? or is it because of the eye of the society?”, I wondered. I realized the ordeals that people of my age might have gone through to buy a condom will those shopkeeper think of us, what will people think of us?.

I couldn't sleep because I couldn't accomplish a task that I had challenged myself. I read my project report that I was doing for my scholarship and it stunned me because 30 % of the HIV infection occurred due to non-usage of condom. I was alarmed. If I had a situation which I couldn't control with no emergency condoms by my side, I could definitely impregnate the girl or still higher risk could be spread of STD s.“ why should I feel shy about buying a condom”, I said to myself many times. Why should I think of other's mean thoughts about me? So, I decided that night that when morning comes I 'm going to buy a condom, no matter what happens to my prestige or anything.

So as soon as I woke up, my thoughts dominated on the condom. I finally dressed up and went straight to a chemist shop near the Chamber's Hospital, Thangal Bazar. The shopkeeper wasn't there, so I had to wait for seconds and then he turned up and asked, “Kari Hidaka loubigadba” (meaning which medicine you want to buy?)I waited for some seconds and asked, “Do you have contraceptives?”

He didn't understand the word “contraceptives” and he said no. Then, boldly I said, “I meant condom”. He replied he doesn't stock condoms because it is not profitable. I was feeling pity at my condition. I had the will to ask for it and it turns out that he has none. Dejected I finally went home towards singjamei.we and I stopped in front of 1 chemist shop and I finally blurted out “condoms pliz”.

The shopkeeper was a man in his mid twenties and he asked for the number of pieces. I replied, “Give me 6 pieces”. He said, “I have only 1 piece left.” so i had to take only 1 piece felt a bit of courage and asked him about how people usually asked for condoms?He replied, “ CD or condoms directly”.I continued the conversation by saying, “ its a bit embrassing to buy condoms because i'm too young to start a married life.” He continued, “We don't stock huge quantities of condom because it sells very less” I finally returned home feeling good and great that I have accomplished a task that I had set out to complete.

You may all be thinking, why I wanted to buy a condom?

1. Do I want to have pre-martial sex with a girl using the condom?

2..Do I want to see the nature of the people?

3.Do I want to learn about the youth?

4.Do I want to fell satisfied being able to buy a condom?

Well, folks I' m doing a project on the nature of how a youth like me feel when they want to buy a condom. So I had set out to experience the same in my own HIV infested State. I guess people feel shy but can shyness be a reason for you getting HIV\AIDS or impregnating an innocent Human being or setting of a cascading reaction of spread of HIV\AIDS in our society. Well, folks aren’t it time we realize our folly and accept the fact that we need condoms. So let’s protect you. Use condom for the tomorrow that lies ahead.
Please comment on my article. Visit my blog at www.wakhal.blogspot.com
well; folks look out for more stories.

Recent addition: Readers thanks for mailing me the feedback of this story. Thanks for your encouragement. I hope my story did serve some purpose.